“How can I change my partner’s mind about multipartner relationships?”
I think, roughly once a day, I see this question on a board or on a list or in a group somewhere.
Continue reading “Sweet-Talkin’”Sweet-Talkin’
Tat
“She knew the deal when she signed up.”
You know how sometimes people in multipartner relationships say “Well, this person agreed to that kind of relationship dynamic when they signed on, so they have no room to bitch” when it comes to disposing of partners that have become inconvenient or distracting?
Continue reading “Tat”Step one…
Someone asked me if I had any advice for people who might be just starting out on a path that included multiple adult partners. Who knew? So, I gave it a go.
Continue reading “Step one…”“You jelly?”
Jealousy is ultimately an act of soul-abuse.
Continue reading ““You jelly?””“Restrictive Sexuality”
I often use the term “restrictive sexuality” when referring to monogamy. This is deliberate.
I’ve been told I’m being mean, judgmental, negative, and a variety of other things when I use the term “restrictive sexuality.” This amuses me, of course.
Continue reading ““Restrictive Sexuality””The Functional Aspect of Rules
In relationships, I often hear a lot about rules. In particular, I’m talking about multiple adult relationships, but feel free to extract what makes sense for you out of this if this doesn’t apply to you. My own opinion is that where an observation can be applied broadly, it seems more likely, but I admit I’m prejudiced against provincialism.
Continue reading “The Functional Aspect of Rules”Check Your System Levels!
Here’s a quick and easy way to look at your relationships: Check your System.
Always have a sense of where the energy’s going in a relationship.
That’s the one-sentence takeaway.
Continue reading “Check Your System Levels!”With great power…
One of the fundamental dynamics of any romantic relationship is this:
Where responsibility is uncoupled from control, nothing but mischief can happen.
Continue reading “With great power…”“Creepy, doll.”
I’ve been experimenting with the word “creepy” and what it means.1
Continue reading ““Creepy, doll.””The Simple Guide to Relationships… or Why Love is Simpler Than You Think
Introduction
Welcome to my half-assed manifesto. It’s a bit of a map of how I got to where I am, which is a place I happen to like. There’s an extremely slim chance you might find something interesting in here, which is one of the reasons I’m posting it online.
Continue reading “The Simple Guide to Relationships… or Why Love is Simpler Than You Think”The “Problem” With Love
The problem with love is this: love is wonderful, beautiful, terrifying, debilitating, painful, glorious, and a joy.
The reason that’s such a problem is because people often mistake wonderful things, beautiful things, terrifying things, debilitating things, painful things, glorious things, and joyful things for love.
That’s the problem.
How to Communicate
I have seen too many people get screwed by being unable to communicate (myself included). The usual pattern of events ends in something that can best be summarized by “I didn’t know what was going on.” Now me, I hate being ignorant, so I started taking a look at social interactions, with an eye toward simplifying.
Continue reading “How to Communicate”Not the Sum of the Parts
There’s this sense that people are composed of discrete emotional elements that can be easily separated and encapsulated if need be.
Continue reading “Not the Sum of the Parts”On Civilized Discourse
There are a lot of different essays and documents on having a civilized discussion with someone else. This is mine. I’ve updated a few things.
Continue reading “On Civilized Discourse”Loss Boosting
Remember that thing you missed out on, years ago, and how really awesome it was and what a bummer it is that you missed out on it? I suspect it wasn’t quite as sparkly as you remember.
Continue reading “Loss Boosting”